I feel sad and frustrated.
Just earlier on I met Amar to pass him his name cards. I suffered after that. Im not sure whether it is an anxiety attack or panic attack or something else. Let me describe it.
Already racing down the road to meet up, I parked my scooter. My heart was still racing with adrenaline. Heighten state of paranoia. On the scooter I felt I could not relax, with something out, bone? nerve?
I chatted with Amar for i think 3 mins. Clearly he too needed some space.
I felt tension in my whole body. viscerally my body froze. My mind when into a semi blank slate. Its like I still can smile and chat, but my actions were just weird. I rolled up my sleeves. I can roll up and down my sleeves in this state. Last time I did something like that was with the frankincense oil. drip drip rubb rubb rubbb X10. Isabelle said a few drops was enough. I totally agree, however it was impulsive. like OCD!
I went fidget around in panic mode closing my motorcycle box. It was like Im rushing for something. I floored my acceleration and speed off on my scooter. Not know where to go, I just knew I HAD TO LEAVE FAST. I told myself I definitely needed to eat. Loaded the map decided on a place. along the way I saw botanical garden and impulsively went there.
At botanical gardens I behaved like a mad man. schizophrenic, multiple personality disorder. Weird movements, impulsive and automatic, changing every minute. I feel like ripping my brains out. I tried very briefly to breathe and stretch and crack but to no avail. Weird actions includes tics, verbal abuse to the air, finger gesturing, taking of my clothes, squating. I did different personalities like ah beng trying to loosen up myself. Try to vent and let things out. the more I type the more scared I am about my current mental state of health. HELP PLEASE. This is not what I signed up for…
Then I decided to buy meat. Went to ryan groceries and bought 2 kg of fat. I already planed to buy it, I know it sounds crazy but dont judge me keto. my Brain was still clearly fried. Went home to cook, dad came home. I just felt like playing games and not talking. every conversation felt painful. ate, bath, played with a digital lock, drove out to NTUC to buy more stuff.
Felt weakness. You know when you hear a terrifying news like someone died and your body goes limp you shit yourself. Mine’s a mild version.
Thinking maybe I have some anxiety, stress, panic issues. Freezeeeee. I want to buy a continuous glucose monitor because I think low sugar have something to do with it.
3mins killed my for the day. after eating 10pcs of sushi I feel much better,